Colbert: Nation, they say justice is blind, but she’s about to get lasik. This is ‘Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger’. A tip of my hat to hipsters. Now folks, I have never been a fan of hipsters. They always seem so – hip. But now I have a newfound respect for them, because as a demographic, they are consistently not filling out Obama’s census. This is a masterstroke by the scruffy trendsetters. By not filling out the census form, the government will dedicate fewer resources to their neighborhood, thereby causing it to decay, thereby increasing the neighborhood’s hipster cred. Finally, finally folks, I – wait a second. I just noticed there’s a hipster in my audience, - sir, you’re a hipster, right?
Hipster: Yeah, I’m a hipster.
Colbert: Now, what does you tee shirt say? ‘I filled out the census.’ Did you really fill out the census?
Hipster: No, I’m in a band called I filled out the census.
Colbert: That is the worst band name ever.
Hipster: Yeah, that’s why it’s cool.
Colbert: Well, can I see you guys come play sometime?
Hipster: What? Bands don’t play anymore. That’s so mainstream.
Colbert: Oh, well, that’s cool, I mean I understand that.
Hipster: Great. Now we have to actually play.
